... EP2

so this is an apology I now my blog was ment to go up on Thursday but for the third time this year my I 've lost my balance. my balance isn't like anything proper its just what I call my mental state. and once again I've lost it. this past week I've been struggling and breakdowns are hitting me again anywhere. I cant control them. I always think that for me it comes down to one word which is disappointment, no matter how man times they say the'd never be disappointed with me I didn't believe them but the one bad grade I've been pondering over for the last year didn't disappoint them. and I think now I really believe them. but its still there and its over once again school and disappointment. I know that these years will be the worst in my life. I understand that. but I didn't bargin how bad they'd actually be. now I know I must come to terms with that.

 in some ways I love writing these sort of posts as I can put my whole mind out there and I guess it is like telling someone but I know I need to stay strong and put on my big girl boots.

Bye
Caiykin